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Karl Ruprecht Kroenen
Everything goes to hell...
My Diary 
... daily or not ... these are the latest 22 diary entries in my Journal ...

9th-Aug-2016 10:47 pm - July in Närke. Part Two of Two

Askersund is a cute little town close to Örebro.
Inspite the awesome bathing suit and the splash pictures, I did not swim.
I haven't swum out in nature in 27 years and I am not planning to start in a lake
no matter how warm and appealing it was.
I kinda don't like nature THAT way :p

Askersund is a doll town.
I loved it!

Till next time ...

toodle pip

And next time I MIGHT even swim ... who knows ;)

photographing II
9th-Aug-2016 08:33 pm - July in Närke. Part One of Two

Örebro and ... around. Mixed camera and mobile pictures.

There are dungeons in this castle -_-

and there were "these" moments :p

9th-Aug-2016 01:15 pm - Power Big Meet 2016
Power Big Meet 2016
Camera and mobile pictures Mixed from two days
here we go ...

I'm only jokin' ...

No I haven't picked up smoking ...

Until next time ... happy rides

11th-Jul-2016 09:39 pm - time to start building muscle again

say bye bye to the claws I am starting boxing ...

that was fun byt I need a punching bag ...

11th-Jul-2016 09:10 pm - Midsummer 2016

And the midnight summer sky at 00:00

Life is good .....

11th-Jul-2016 07:51 pm - Even More June .....

A foggy day in stockholm with Friends

My city My love

Little boy who looks at the moon
or Järnpojke

And a fun edit by a friend that made Me smile a lot :D

Karl Ruprecht Kroenen
11th-Jul-2016 06:53 pm - April ....

Aaaaand Valborg

me naked portrait
So the time is almost near.
The open weeks at The Mansion.
I am so excited!

Soon, soon, soon we will be "dungeon crawling".
Literally, from dungeon to dungeon to dungeon, amongst 20 something dungeons and play rooms (might be 30, it was hard to count last time I was there)
My heart skips a beat thinking about it!

If you are into BDSM and haven't visited The Mansion, it is like you are into Roller-coasters and never visited Tivoli!

It's a very unique place!

A classic, really old, really big building with a wonderful ghost-like aura hovering allover!
The hotel area, the big dining room, the breakfast room, the staircases, the big corridors, have memories of their own.
Every coat of paint, every chiseled curve of wood, every polished stone, every scratched milky piece of glass, give you the sense of memories past. Calmly entering your brain, making all your senses awake and alert.
The glory of the past, the "might have been" and the decay of time, meeting perfectly the wonderful decadence of the 20 plus timeless dungeons in the basement.
The smell of wet stone, iron and wood, the dying candles in the late hours of the night, the muffled screams and sharp sounds of a whip echoing in the empty dark corridors.
The sounds of untold pleasures!
Pure poetry.
Pure lustful poetry.
And time stands still ...

My head is spinning. I can't wait.
I have been waiting for it 6 months now.

Pet and I had the time of our lives there last New Years.
It was one of those experiences you NEVER forget.
And we were there only one and a half day. Now we will stay for almost a week!
As I write this My heart is pounding!

Only a couple of weeks away ...
retro bdsm
30th-May-2016 11:10 pm - Licorice Festival 2016

At the Licorice Festival 2016 in the end of April here in Stockholm,
I helped My very talented friend Liv Sandberg sell her awesome licorise Muffins and Cookies.
It was 2 days of licorice pleasure :)

All wrapped in these cute boxes :D


Aaaaaaand some pictures behnd the scenes the day I went to help with some cookie-rollin :D

All this is licorice!
The particular package I am touching is still warm!

Liv preparing the monster dough

Mmmmm Fresh from the oven

Rolled about 400 cookies :D

Till next year .... :)
Karl Ruprecht Kroenen
30th-May-2016 04:05 pm - Hmmmm....
When you run 4 kilometers into the woods and you run into this sign ...
Danger Zone Shooting range"

22nd-Apr-2016 01:36 pm - trains ...

Lately I have been travelling a lot by train up to the northwest of Sweden.
Something I intent to keep on doing.
It makes Me so happy!

photographing II
22nd-Apr-2016 12:31 pm - And spring goes on ...
... with urban exploring. Adventure shooting. And travelling :D






photographing III
22nd-Apr-2016 11:47 am - New girl ...

Now I've got one more camera to play with
C 700D
Birthday present from My pet :D

22nd-Apr-2016 11:44 am - On My Birthday 2016 ...

So, I turned 42
The meaning of life and all that ;)

I celebrated at a pub in Söder with only friends and 2 more birthday boys two of us turned 42 and another ... not ;) So the party was themed "Front,  2 x42" special drinks and a fun quiz :D
Awesome evening :D
Best birthday in 20 years actually :)

Most pictures are taken by the lovely Patrik Lark

I might be as old as My pal the Dyno here ... But I still know how to party :)
Life is good :D

And that is My Lila Lisa <3

tata :D

the early years
A puzzle on the way ...

Loving the fireplace ...

Glady's house under spring snow ...


It is time again.
April is full of joy and full of sorrow.

My darling Evi left thirteen years ago.
She was 29.

Every year I write this letter to her and let her presence consume me.

This is not a poem. It is not a literary work of art. It is just a letter.
A letter I would write to my friend had she move to the mountains and decided to live inside of a tree forever, allowing me to send her one letter every year.

Each year it is almost the same ... it alters with the changes in my life. Making me aware of how much I have.
Making me appreciate the gift of life.
That gift she no longer possess.

This day I take her with me in my head to my favorite places and I read my letter to her.
I drink with her and listen to her favorite songs.
Then I try to remember her laughter. And when I do, I smile again, and let her go.

I hope, all of you out there, who knew her, or were once her friend, her family, her lovers ... are thinking of her today and are celebrating the beautiful creature Evi was!
Let us drink to her name!
as long as there are people who remember … people never die …

I add the video I made for her all those years ago.
One might find it corny but it's all I got and it's full of my love for her.

Playing the song that will always remind me of her.
Till the day I die.

My letter this year:

Dear Evi
Since you've been gone, I've started my life all over from zero four times!
Since you’ve been gone, I moved in with that boyfriend, then moved out, learnt another language and rode a water-coaster.
It was scary.
All of it.
Since you’ve been gone, I got engaged once. I got betrayed thrice. I got let down and brokenhearted ... numerous times.
I thought I'd die.
I didn't.
Moved out. Moved ahead. Moved on.
Since you’ve been gone, I've written about 7 to 8 thousand verses.
Some about you.
Since you’ve been gone, I learnt how to swim, walked on frozen lakes, pet a spider, touched a bumblebee, pet a cricket, started drinking my coffee black, saw dinosaur bones, tasted peanut butter, saw the skeleton of a blue whale, laughed with all my heart twice, brought a stranger home, traveled to Lapland, stepped beyond the Polar circle twice, seen the Norwegian fjords, got a reindeer ride with a Sami shaman, saw a fox in the wild in my neighborhood, run 15 kilometers just  for  fun, walked into a green lake and danced on the soft green fluff for an hour without freaking out (I was drunk), outed myself as a Mistress (you always knew) and obtained more sex toys within 6 months than in my entire life. You'd love my whip collection.

Since you've been gone, I've changed my hair from raven black to blood red. I've been riding my bicycle in the summers, I've quit smoking and started running (it's been 10 years now). I've met my brother thrice. I started playing the violin again. And quit … again.
Since you’ve been gone, I have talked to 17 strangers. I barbequed in the snow in minus degrees, I played in real dungeons, lost count on my roadtrips, drove a truck (for a couple of minutes), visited vintage car festivals and had an encounter with a mouse.
I began enjoying the sunlight and warm afternoons. I started drinking red wine and expensive beer. (who knew?) I met a girl from Bulgaria who makes me think of all the things you've told me.
Makes me smile.
Since you’ve been gone, I learnt how to cook, bake apple-pies, knit,  tend a garden, and I am still collecting rocks. You used to laugh at that.
Since you’ve been gone, I have fallen in love thrice and have lied to you once.
Since you’ve been gone, I've watched countless movies.
Never bought a television.
Discovered more music, made more music and stopped hurting myself.

Since you've been gone I've been making a great effort not to give up my hobbies.
You know how I lose interest if I have to do only one thing at a time.
And I don't think I can run all the while taking care of a cactus, knitting a scarf, taking pictures, polishing a rock and tasting a beer ...
Running drunk with a cactus and a set of knitting needles in one hand and with a rock and a camera in the other … sounds a lot like a nightmare.
Photography though is still my constant. And it reminds me a lot of you. Your pictures. Your dark room. Your experiments. Your camera. And I have the need to show you ... and sometimes ... sometimes I do.
Since you've been gone, I've become more of a day person and gave up coke. (well, the large amounts anyway) I went to school again, I've had two jobs. The second one I loved. Till I hated it.
I've quit the idea of learning Spanish. I saw no point to it anymore. Without you.
I never danced like "that night" again. That summer night in the park. I never saw Manu again.

Since you've been gone, I've met P. in Athens twice. The one time we drunk to your name a whole afternoon, I then got on her bike and she drove me home drunk.
Since you've been gone, I became more compassionate with my father. Till I lost him too to cancer ... He died in my arms.

Since you've been gone I have fallen into depression thrice.
I have been sad and have been happy.
As I write this letter this time, I am happy.
I have given up on "forever", but I'm still here.
Since you've been gone my mother had 4 manic episodes. I wanted to study psychiatry but I grew weary of it after 4 books about the brain functions in 3 different languages.
It took a bit of the magic away. Everything we say or do is so ...  so primal.

Since you've been gone, I came back twice.
Once to bring my mother home, to live near me.
She is now living here in Stockholm in her own flat with her tuxedo cat and her poems.
The second time I came  to bring my father home... to die near us ...
He is now buried at the same cemetery Greta Garbo is.
I guess he would be pleased to know.
I pass that cemetery almost once a week. But since his death I've been there only 6 times. The one time was the funeral. The last time was  Halloween 2015 ...

Since you’ve been gone, two things have become very clear to me;
One: I can never have a friend like you ... ever again.
And two: One don't get to be family with another just because they share blood. You just have to "earn" this title, this privilege!
Since you've been gone, I've met N. online. He made me cry and smile. He made me remember so much about you. He made me get closer to you.
Since you've been gone, I've had that star T-shirt on 9 times. Remember?
It always reminds me of you ... and that "sandalwood day"!
That day we stayed up all night ...
That day that was two days.
Ah, that "day" Evi damn it!
When, the night turned into morning ... into afternoon ... into evening and into night again.
With no sleep and no food. With lots of coffee and cigarettes...
I haven't had a day like that with anyone... Anyone!
That day ... the day you told me everything.
The day I slept in your bed.
I remember looking at your pointy leather boots with the silver buckles placed nicely by the mirror.
The mirror reflecting your room, your makeup case, your trinkets and beautiful studded belts.
I remember your black fluffy dress on the corridor ...
How I would have loved to see you in it...
Since you've been gone, I think I have seen your face on the street, in movies, in my dreams, so many times, even if I wanted to I couldn't forget it.
Since you've been gone, I have been less and more.
And can’t forget to remember your voice.
Since you've been gone I haven't seen Siouxsie. Not once.
And I still haven't watched the Mylene DVDs you gave me a year before you were gone.
I feel I would have to let you know if I liked them or not and ... you won't be around to tell you.
And I remember you saying: "Watch them. Don't forget them in some drawer or throw them away..."
Now I don't know where I've put them.
Since you've been gone, I've seen the little mermaid in Denmark, I bought alcohol in Finland, "lost my heart" in Norway and travelled in vast distances in Northern Sweden. I've walked half naked in a parade in Stockholm, I visited a silver mine, I obtained a human pet (which I am very fond of), I spent New Year's Eve in a Dangeon and started eating bacon (yes, this was unexpected).
Since you've been gone, I have recorded 6 songs, saw a wolverine, got a violin, got a ukulele and bought a guitar. I saw farm animals up close, met 19 cats and 4 dogs. I don't own any. Although I'm in love with one of them.

Since you've been gone, I've read too many books to count, I saw the milky way while lying on a frozen lake in the midle of the winter up in Norrland and wished you were lying beside me pointing with your long fingers Cassioppeia for me.
I almost saw the polar lights in Stockholm. One, almost, total eclipse of the sun, two suppermoons, and I saw swans flying thrice!
My dear friend  ...
Since you've been gone, I have worked a lot on my anger. I still don't suffer fools, but I've learnt to pretend to be kind.
Since you've been gone I've become more of a misanthrope, yet more empathetic.
I’ve become more friendly but less of a friend.

Since you've been gone, I have become more compassionate, yet less tolerant.
Since you've been gone, I have finally become a woman. But I will always be a child.
Since you've been gone, I have missed you like no other ...  yes, perhaps my father.
Since you've been gone, I have been talking to you … often...
Since you've been gone, it has been 13 whole years.
It feels a lifetime ... it IS a lifetime ... yet it feels like yesterday ...

Since you've been gone, I've wished so many times that I could ask you:
"My dear friend, how has it been, since I've been gone?"

I miss you, I love you, I wish you were here.

Yours truly and for always,


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