So, despite the turbulence and extreme "weather change" in my everyday life. I have managed to keep myself sane and I am now in fact on the way to create some sort of "order" in my chaos. Next Monday I start working at Myrorna at Fridemsplan. Quite convenient spot since it is just 17 minutes from home and I don't need to change metro line. Working on a second hand store is ideal for me! Even though I will be working for "free", I find it still very rewarding. Doing something you like. Learning to work with people. As an antisocial and misanthropic creature I must say that this is going to be quite the trip. I need new blood in my life. New people, new ideas, new perspective. Almost exactly across the street there is the Fridemsplan Systemet so I have immediate access to some nice craft beer :) I likeKungsholmen it is something between Söder and Östermalm. I like the atmosphere. Away from everything I know. Few hippies and few yuppies. Balance. Something like Centerpartiet :p I like that. I could not live there, but the idea of working there is very pleasant.
Life is going quite ... alright ... right now actually. I am thinking of my father everyday but I have stopped talking about it that way for quite some time now. Sometimes I talk about him as if he is still around so it doesn't hurt. When I really think about it it hits me like a slap in the face and I am falling to pieces. And a second slap says I have nowhere to lean on anymore. It is tiresome. But perhaps it is a good thing. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" right? I might get a little bit more desensitized. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Life is fucking cruel. I know this first hand. So I can't spend my days crying about things that happened already and I can't change them. Life is now and tomorrow.Life is now and tomorrow.Life is now and tomorrow.Life is now and tomorrow. Everything else can go to hell ... everything goes to hell ... anyway ...
Now there is only one part in my life that is a thorn on my side ... if I can fix that ... life will be just dandy Andy.
I know I have turned into this very difficult person to deal with. I know I am most probably the moodiest person I know at this moment. Very unforgiving and possibly quite demanding. I get angry at the drop of a hat and emotional with the sound of the wind.
But I am just as attending and as carrying! (Aren't I?) I just need from others to take the initiative from time to time. It is really tough torun the show all the time...
Ah well ... So I am trying to cheer me up. I hear the adult Alexandra in my head talking to me, saying:"Since no one else does it for you, you must do it yourself child! Do beautiful things to help you go on with your day. Everyday. No one will take care of you if you don't! Life is too short. Fucking go out there and fucking live it. Stop whining. Get up, shape up and shut the fuck up! "
So here is my room now. I tried to make it as Christmasy and Pagany as my Gothiness allows and as cozy as my pocket permits. It did gave me a couple of smiles.
kitchen got just a set of lights
My room got the rest ...
stupid white machine spoils the mood ... i got too lazy to take another after that though
And let there be the first Advent
And this is my Winter Festival Gnome who stands on the table behind my head, guarding me in my sleep, carrying all my dreams in his big red bag!
So. May the season be jolly and hopefully white! Now... who wants a berrypie and There Is No Santa? :)
Oh and ... Song of the day number 2 ... this has been on my mp3 player all morning ...
"... When you're begging for shelter, don't knock on my door When you say that you've changed, you have done that before When the tear in your eye - what a great alibi - Tries to weaken my senses - shatter all that I've learned ..."