To cut a long story short ...
I finally embraced who I am.
I will not sugar coat it or feel the need to explain it. But i will put a few words to it.
After 19 years of boring sexpartners , I realised that the problem lied elsewhere.
And as a side note I want to thank the people who broke my heart (even though they are horrible excuses of the human species) But they took me out of a long rotting relationship that left me alone everynight pleasuring myself in the shower. And i was content! But that stab on the back that pierced through my heart was my wake up call. I ralised that it is not that I didn't like sex. Or that there was something wrong with my partners. It is that vanilla sex left me bored to tears.
And if you think that this abomination of a book 50 shades of grey has anything to do with my desision to come out here, you are a funny person. Because this is exactly the type of thing i always tried to avoid.
Bored housewife sex. Is what all my partners wanted me to have with them more or less. Pretend the fireman comes to rescue me and he ravages me with his manly manhood type of scenario.
Well, different strokes for different folks, but this was not my cup of tea.
I was always the one who wanted to do the ravaging. Yet I ended up yawnig on my back for god knows how many relationships ... until .... well until I finally used the whip.
And i always knew it. I always knew what I was. And god knows I tried with some of those men. But they were terrified with the idea of anything out of the ordinary.
I am not a cold hearted domina who hurts people for the fuck of it. I do not have daddy issues. I do not hate men. As a matter of fact I like both sexes equally.
I worship my partners. I worship them with every strike, every slap, every tear they shed.
I worship them as they crawl on my floor, giving me their body as my playground. I worship their trust, their devotion, their need to be led.
I am a slave of my slaves.
And this is what true dominance is. To accept your weaknes and take responsibility for this life kneeling before you.
It is not about sex.
It is not about release.
It is not about that primal need for procreation that leads you to be naked with someone.
It is about finding Neverland. Reaching nirvana. Finding meaning in this life!
Ever since I embraced BDSM, I became a happier person. I became a better person. I became what I always wanted to be.
I became me!