Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.) (lantichristo) wrote,
Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.)
lantichristo

Film Reviews: Pandorum, The Box, A Serious Man, New York, I Love You , 2012 and then some …

Film Reviews

Pandorum, The Box, A Serious Man, New York, I Love You , 2012 and then some …

 

 

Well these are SOME of the movies I watched recently. ( keep in mind I watch 2,2 movies everyday so … I can’t remember everything. So I am just commenting on those I remember )

For some movies I won’t elaborate much because there is no point, or becaue I'm too lazy, or because I want you to see them, or because I don't care if you see them...
In any case
I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone, so I have warnings before every review.

 

 Pandorum

 

No spoilers.

 

Not much to say. Quite entertaining for a Sunday evening. Nice Science fiction, space horror game-like little flick. Nice music, not much “Hollywood-action-Jean-Claude Van Damme-type”   lines… yeah … you know the type … yuk … not like that at all. Nice Graphics, good settings, nice camera movement. And some decent acting from the new blood and Dennis Quaid well is Dennis Quaid …Quite pleasant I have to say. Quite pleasant indeed!

It gets a well deserved 7,5.

 

The Box

 

Spoilers.

 

This movie made me really angry. Firstly I’ll give it a 4!!! Then, let me start with the praises. Extraordinary photography!!! I am in Aw! The settings, the locations, the costumes, hair, makeup; it was generally a visual marvel!!! Bravo to the entire Art Department!!! Only the fact that the trees were in autumn mode, yet the weather was in winter, stole my heart!!! Trees with red and yellow leaves representing the heart of autumn and at the same time the streets are covered with snow!!!! Magnificent!!! It brings you back to a childhood memory you never had, if you know what I mean. If you don’t … too bad because it is an extraordinary feeling!

Ok the down part. The story was nothing but violent diarrhea from a naive ass!!! These type of scenarios were good for the 50s. When will they STOP, for the love of everything that’s holy, stop writing about the WISE aliens who come here to test humans and their humanity and prove to us how BAD war is and how GOOD peace is and how BAD we are in nature and how smarter THEY are because they are more “HUMANE” !!!! How naive do they think people ARE nowadays? Are they trying to sell these to the Amish or something? What the HELL man? Nja nja … humans are selfish. Nja nja, humans are bad. Nja nja, they don’t deserve the gift of being human. Nja nja! Oh fuck off already! I got so disappointed when I saw that the story was going that direction … such a shame!!! If it wasn’t for the magnificent directing and photography I would have said that it was a total waste of anyone’s time. The person who wrote that big pile of crap deserves to be lynched with rotten tomatoes and dog-poo. What a looser! Oh yeah is the same idiot who wrote Donnie Darko … ursh … another pile of pretentious CRAP! But that’s another review. Old dried shit … I won’t bother … oh and let’s not forget  S.Darko that went STRAIGHT to video. Pfff … There is so much talent … so much potential out there … and assess like that get money and opportunity to film rubbish. Rubbish in a pretty paper  with a velvet ribbon. Such a shame!

I give it a 4
(only for the
Art Department and some acting effort. The rest is ZERO)

 

Let’s move on.

 

A Serious Man

Not REAL spoilers. (some .. maybe)

 

It seems that Ethan Coen & Joel Coen are stalling for a masterpiece yet to come. It is as if they are filming the best movie ever (well they have been preparing Hail Caesar for over 5 years now) and meanwhile they are making some extra, beautiful yet pointless lil films. A Serious Man is frustrating, yet I enjoyed it; and its pointlessness. If you are and anti-Semite don’t watch it … it has nothing to offer you. Then again, if you are an anti-Semite you are an idiot. But, I digress .

A Serious Man has a deeper meaning that what it appears in the beginning. All this pointless struggle humans are putting themselves through just to justify their existence. Just to understand their existence. All this make believe they play, inventing Gods and rules and how pointless religion in general is. But in A Serious Man you see all that from a point of view of a religious Jew. Who doesn’t know WHY things are like they are in his life, they just are, and that’s how he must accept them.

Given the fact of course that, I personally, I am not waiting the Coen brothers to tell me how ridiculous religion is, the whole movie is like a conversation with a friend. Talking about nothing new, but agreeing a lot. Pleasant yet somewhat pointless. The photography and all the visuals are wonderfully made of course, as well as the costumes, the settings, hair and make up and so on. But in a Coen movie this is a given and I shouldn’t even mention it.

I give it a 6,5.

 

New York, I Love You

 

No Spoilers.

 

Well.

It was like Paris, je t'aime omly a bit more forced. A bit more conceited. Somewhat pleasant. Somewhat boring. Somewhat funny. It was generally … somewhat something, but nothing totally something, if you get my drift.

Meh, I give it a 4
(for the general effort.)

 

Inkheart

 

No Spoilers.

 

Good idea, poorly executed.

I give it a 4

 

Dark Streets

 

No Spoilers.

 

What a piece of crap.

I give it 2

 

2012

 

Spoilers.

 
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Oh my LORD what a waste of money!!! What a gigantic, infected hemorrhoid that was!!! Think of all the crack they could smoke, or sell to children, instead of making this abomination.

Yet ... IF... if I say ... you like catastrophe movies this one is the best one. Everything gets destroyed!!! Complete and utter annihilation of the world EVERYTHING. What do you want? Paris? Gone. New York? Gone. London? Gone …. but no ... wait a minute ... yeah ... in the end only Africa remains intact! Shoohoooo! Yeah!!! For the white western civilization to once again go there and fuck it up the ass with no lubricant or saliva.

Disgusting movie.

I give it ZERO a big fat 0

 

 

The House of the Devil (2009)

No Spoilers.

 

Really good 80s type thriller!!! Very well made, really enjoyable. Not scary, but great atmosphere!!! Thumbs up to Ti West a very very young director!!!

I give it a 7,5

 

The Informant

 

No Spoilers.

 

Quite entertaining.
2 hours too long though. I liked the rumblings.

6,5

 

 

The Time Traveler's Wife

 

Some spoilers (?)

 

I love time travel themed movies. That is why I watched this one. But it was almost exactly like New Amsterdam, that TV series that got cancelled mid season. ( I wonder who ripped off who here?)

Ah well it gets a 5

 

Something, Something, Something Dark Side

 

No Spoilers.

 

Meh … not that funny after all. All the jokes were in the trailer.

4,5

 

 

Julie & Julia

 

No Spoilers.

 

Well. It made me hungry.

Chick flick whataryagonnado?
I liked the food though (and I like the ladies ;)

5

 

Zombieland

 

No Spoilers.

 

Fun fun fun kind of annoying as well but .. still … kinda fun too.
A hangover movie.

5

 

 

Surrogates

 

No Spoilers.

 

Silly, yet entertaining

5


The Hide

 
No Spoilers.

Excellent Excellent  Excellent Brithish thriller!!! Brilliant!!!

Alex Macqueen is such a remarkable actor. I loved it.

7,9



And last but not least I’ll have to talk *again about
Mary and Max
.


No Spoilers.

 

The best animated film I’ve seen for adults in a loooooong time ...  It is a very very beautiful movie!!!

Really good story, smart dialogues and interesting plot. Of course the voices were tip top!!!

For those who are tired of the vulgar jap animated boredom ... Well, this is a treasure.!!!

I give it a 9,5

 

 

* copy paste from a previous entry



Now I'm off to watch a movie ... or two ...

à tout à l'heure


Tags: cinema, crap movies, great movies, movie reviews, movies
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