Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.) (lantichristo) wrote,
Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.)

Today’s events and some psychobabble

When my father was in Greece in the hospital, the first 40 days, the doctors apart from all the diseases and the bacteria  they gave him, they also tried FIVE times to  endoscopicaly  a “stent”  inside him and  they failed ALL five times, three of which he was wide awake, when they said that they had given him anesthetic . As a result he was in the hospital with no result and no help for 45 days with the gull poisoning his blood and damaging his lever. In the end they put a catheter in his lever. A procedure that was painful, dangerous, plus gave him a serious infection.

The doctors here in Sweden, among other things, they changed this catheter to a new one, temporarily, until they could fight the infection and make a diagnosis.

Today they took dad in a room and put the infamous “stent within 15 minutes”.

They said that there was nothing weird or wrong with my father’s anatomy, as the Greek butchers had previously claim in order to excuse their incompetence. And that everything went smoothly and they didn’t understand why they Greeks failed 5 times!!! (well we all know why but pretend we don’t)

My father slept and woke and didn’t realize what just happened. He thought they were still preparing him for the procedure when they took him back in the room and he thought that something went wrong and they never did it. I told him that they did it, that it was successful and that they removed the catheter completely and that is why it didn’t hurt so much anymore.

 It took him a lot of time to believe all that. In the end he made me so angry and I told him that he is in Sweden now and the doctors are REAL and he should STOP doubting and questioning. He should trust them blindly and SHUT the fuck UP! Whatever they told us here so far was the truth. Whatever they promised us has happened. Stop questioning or I’ll send you back in the shithole to gather some more diseases.


And now some self-psychoanalysis …

Man, it is really hard to take care of someone who is SO bloody annoying, someone you do not like!!!! I mean I feel sorry for him, I really really DO, and that is why I spend all my days at the hospital and that is why I went all the way to a country I despise and stayed for over a month, and that is why I took him here back in stockholm so that he won’t die in some smelly bordello of a hospital in Greece.

But dude …  I really don’t like him.

Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I feel a weird guilt because I feel this way.

He is my dad and I automatically "love" him I guess. That is why I am going through all sorts of trials for him. But just because he is my dad that doesn’t mean I have to like him. I'm sorry. Because man … I really really don’t. He opens his mouth and says all sorts of crap that make me grind my teeth and try hard not to punch him or throw him out of the window.
But then, I am thinking all he is going through and I honestly feel that I would NEVER wish this kind of fate even to my worst enemy!!! Really. Nobody deserves such fate as my dad’s. Nobody! I only wish I had a lot of money so that I could hire somebody to deal with his bigotry and ignorance so that I won’t have to; because sometimes he makes me want to stick a fork in my ear so I won’t have to listen to him.

Do I sound like the worst daughter ever?

Ah well, it is what it is.

As I said, nobody is forcing me to take care of him. I am doing it because it is my duty. Because after all I am not as evil as I want to appear.

But let me complain and nag and whine and moan here and say: “God damn I REALLY dislike the man!!!!”

Because I cannot afford a psychotherapist!!!

 Now I have to go prepare him for his evening walk in the corridors… and suffer his idiotic comments …

P.S. But still, look outside the windows at this magnificent city. This breathtaking view ... and immediately relax :D

Tags: my father's illness

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