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lips
Everything goes to hell...
...anyway!
Happy last birthday ... 
23rd-Oct-2010 07:05 pm

Today it is my fathers's birthday.
He turns 73.
It is his last birthday in life.
What can one say to a person who is dying ... in their birthday?
What wishes do you wish them?
I bought him a scarf ... my sis bought him a sweater ... Ronnie bought him gloves ... mother bought him chocolates ...

It all seems so ... terribly sad ...
I don't know what to do ...
He is now semi sleeping on the soffa ... not really knowing where he is and what is happening to him ... ... It feels like those birthday parties given for a one year old who does not give a crap about the party ...
Add also the fact that he might die tomorrow ....


pffff
crap ....

I can talk about it though ...
I am not crying ...

I think I am handling it ...

He is here now ...


off ...

Gloom
Comments 
25th-Oct-2010 04:10 am (UTC) - Chin up hun
Sometimes we do things like the gathering to be with your father out of duty, even though it may seem like he is oblivious. Going through the motions like that, even though you may think his mind is drifting away, there is a part of him that appreciates the stimulation, he may not be able to articulate it. What your family did, though heartbreaking was very very sweet and thoughtful and if you all needed to go through that process for yourselves out of habit, and tradition then so be it. His mind may not be there but his soul and self still is. I know that sounds all hokey, and cheesy, and no matter how you my grumble about life, and people, you have a very very kind heart deep inside that is always very sweet when it pops out. Then of course when you get back to your usual grumpy self, cursing humans and society and writing profanity and words like fuck, with such a fluidity that it makes Shakespeare look like a hack...well honey, just makes me cheer you on all the more.

Lily and I are home from the holiday. The second to last entry for my blog has plenty of animal pictures to make you smile. Hang on, everything is going to be ok. Just make your father as comfortable as possible and try to engage him in as much stimulation as you can. You Europeans have a much different outlook to your elderly, especially ones that are ill. In this country they would be put into a nursing home, and I believe the old ones belong with their family. Just take good care of him and make him cozy.

xoxoxo Christopher
Wanderer
25th-Oct-2010 09:32 am (UTC) - Re: Chin up hun
:)
Your words always cheer me up pet!!!
It is really hard going through all this and I do my best not to moan and not talk about it here ALL the time but it's difficult ... and if you actually knew what we go through everyday you'd feel really sorry for all of us. Especially for father. Writing about it sometimes helps me release some anger and frustration so that I won't have to release it to my sister or my boyfriend or mother ...
I don't do it all out of tradition or out of the goodness of my heart ... I just feel it is the right thing to do. Yet ... I still can not sleep at night ... :( Because everyday I wish he'd go in his sleep... No I think I am a terrible person really because I complain all the time ...
I don't say this for you to compliment me or tell me "oh no honey you are wrong"
I am just telling you how I feel.
You know, sometimes you feel blue and that is just that. Blue.
Anyway fuck that.

Ofcourse I saw the pictures the moment you posted them and no I didn't just smile ... I laughed ... your baby is making me laugh out loud from my heart!!! And I love the picture with you holding her!!! I want to see more of that :D

Hugziez

p.s. And as I said ... I wish you guys were somewhere more near me ... :(
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