As long as there are people to remember … people never die …
My darling Evi left eight years ago.
Every year I write this letter to her and let her presence consume me for one day. The letter is not a work of poetry. It is just a letter I would write to my friend if she had move to the mountains and decided to live inside of a tree forever, but she’d allow me to send her one letter every year.
The letter is almost the same every year ... it alters with the small changes in my life ...
I know she’d love it here. So I take her with me, to my favorite places, and I read my letter to her. Then I drink with her and listen to her favorite songs. Then I try to remember her laughter. And when I do, I smile again, and let her go.
I hope, all you out there who knew her, or were once her friend, are thinking of her today and celebrate that beautiful creature Evi was!
Here is a video I made for her some time ago.
And this is my letter:
Since you’ve been gone, I moved in with my boyfriend, learnt another language and rode a water-coaster. It was scary.
All of it.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve changed the color of my hair three times, cut it all really short and bleached it almost white. Now I’m growing it back.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve written about 7 to 8 thousand verses.
Some about you.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been riding my bicycle until my sister took it.
Then I remembered how much I love swimming, especially in the winter.
I used the sauna quite a few times in the beginning but I quickly grew tired of it.
Then I didn’t have the money for the fancy pools anymore and I refuse to go to a small crowded pool.
So, since you’ve been gone, I’ve quit smoking and started running. It is for free. Not to mention cathartic. (I know you’re laughing)
Since you’ve been gone, I began enjoying the sunlight and warm afternoons. I started drinking red wine and got into Ale tasting.
Since you’ve been gone, I learnt how to cook. Very well I might add.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve initiated into gardening and restored my interest to collecting rocks.Since you’ve been gone, I started learning German again. And quit … again.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve talked to 8 strangers.
One of them was two years and a day ago (and I’m still trying to forget all about it). The latest was some person on the internet.
Since you've been gone, I have fallen in love once and have lied to you once.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve stopped learning Spanish. I saw no point to it anymore. I haven’t seen Manu again. I don’t know if I could handle it.
Since you’ve been gone I played pool once too many times with the dudes. I suddenly just stopped. Maybe the fact that I quit smoking has something to do with it. Playing pool, drinking and chain-smoking was a set. I just couldn’t break it. Now that I think of it I haven’t touch a pool table since I quit smoking. Sad. Then I began to follow snooker championships on TV, passionately. Then I grew tired of it.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve watched about 817 movies. I went to school again, studied designing arts and finished my English classes.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve met 5 cats and 3 dogs. I don’t own any.
Since you’ve been gone, I got engaged in the ruins of a castle in Gotland.
Since you've been gone, I've discovered a few new artists. You would adore Voltaire and The Coffinshakers!
Since you've been gone, I've learnt how to knit (now I know you are laughing AND pointing your finger at me)
Since you've been gone I’ve been making a great effort to keep up with my new hobbies because I lose interest easily if I have to do one thing at a time. And I don’t think I can run all the while taking care of a cactus, knitting a scarf , polishing a rock and tasting Belgian Ale. Running drunk with a cactus and a set of knitting needles in one hand and a rock in the other … sounds a lot like a nightmare.
Since you've been gone, I’ve become a day person. And gave up coke. Who would have thought huh?
Since you've been gone, I've met P. once, and we drunk to your name a whole afternoon.
Since you've been gone, I have been more compassionate with my father. He is just an old sad man after all.
Since you've been gone ... I lost my father to cancer ... I really know now how much you've suffered.
Since you've been gone I have fallen into deep depression once ...
Since you've been gone my mother had 4 manic episodes, so I though of studying psychiatry but I grew really weary of it after 4 books about the brain functions in 3 different languages. It took a bit the magic away you know. Everything we say or do have absolutely nothing to do with real desire or real feelings … it is all so … primal.
Since you've been gone I came back to bring my mother home. She is now living here in Stockholm with my sister. Soon she will be living on her own flat, that we bought for her, with the money our father left us ...
Since you've been gone I came back to bring my father home... to die with us ...
Since you've been gone, I’ve developed a slight aversion towards my sister.
Since you've been gone, I’ve been to the doctor thrice plus one.
Since you’ve been gone, I danced rock n roll with a rockabilly dude - in Athens. (yeah yeah, make fun all you want)
Since you’ve been gone, I have removed three people from my past and added two.
Since you’ve been gone, I've realized I can never have a friend like you again.
Since you've been gone, I've met an old friend of yours from Bulgaria. He made me cry and smile. He made me remember so much.
Since you've been gone, I’ve had that T-shirt on 8 times. It always reminds me of you and that, sandalwood day; when the night turned into morning, into afternoon, into evening; with no sleep and no food; with lots of coffee and cigarettes. I haven’t had a day like that with anyone. That day ... the day you told me everything.
Later on that day, I slept in your bed. I remember looking at your boots placed nicely by the mirror. The mirror reflecting your room, your make up, your trinkets and beautiful belts. I remember your black fluffy dress on the corridor.
How I’d love to see you in it.
Since you've been gone, I have seen your face on the street, on TV, in my dreams, so many times; even if I wanted to I couldn’t forget it.
Since you've been gone, I have been less and more. And can’t forget to remember your voice.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been back twice. (by force)
My dear soul sister ...
Since you've been gone I’ve become more racist but less angry. I’ve become more friendly but less of a friend.
Since you've been gone, I have missed you like no other.
Since you've been gone, I have been talking to you … often...
Since you've been gone, it has been 8 whole years.
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a hard-core nihilist, so I could ask you …What have you been doing … since I've been gone?