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Karl Ruprecht Kroenen
Everything goes to hell...
...anyway!
Diary diary on the wall, who's the craziest of all? 
17th-Jul-2011 01:14 pm

Mother says she sees a family of deer outside her window every morning. There is a lot of deer in that area. All year long. I am so happy she lives in that adorable apartment now. And when my sister is away I feel like visiting mother all the time.

My sister needs vacation, sex, and a whole lotta sedatives to become normal again. I can't stand to be around her. And she is driving my mother even crazier. The thing she does ... embarrassing ... and strange ... She did something, I can't explain ... and I don't know how to react to it ... yet I can't stop thinking about it. It left me speechless for weeks now ....
She visited my father's grave a couple of weeks ago. I still haven't. I can't. Even though I pass the cemetery every other day. Anyway, she did, and she took her kids with her. Next day in the bus, traveling towards mother's flat, she says to me: I went to the cemetery with the family yesterday. Wanna see pictures? ....
I got numb .... She pulled out her mobile phone and she showed me a picture of my father's grave with her youngest daughter, age 11, wearing make up and jewelery, posing beside the grave with a wide smile as if she was posing with the statue of liberty.
I think I fainted right then and there for a few seconds .... I looked out the window .... A small madness
seized my thoughts. I wanted to put my hands around her neck and shake her. Are you human? I kept on thinking. Is you daughter from this planet? Are we in anyway related?
Don't get me wrong. It is not the grave that shocked me. I am the biggest fan of the macabre!!! As a kid I used to carry around the skull of a cat I found on the street, from age 9 until I was 15 when my mom threw it away. Hell, I have been spending time in open graves and cemeteries most of my life. I have pictures of me and my friends inside and outside graves. Old and new ones. I have pictures of freshly dug human remains. I find cemeteries poetic and wonderful places for photography!
No, what bothers me is that it is my father's grave. Her father's grave. And it is not the picture of the actual grave, it is the picture of he kid posing with grandpa. How can she go there casually, only eight months after he died and take pictures!!?!! I find it .... preposterous ...
Is this why she wanted a grave and not spread his ashes on the mountain? To go and take pictures? And do what exactly? Upload them on facebook?
I can only laugh thinking about it ... but there is no other reaction. I think I laugh instead of crying ... I laugh instead of beating the living crap out of her and her revolting child.

Never mind.

I am so glad she soon will be away for a couple of weeks. It will all do us good.


I have been thinking of my friend Vivi today and how much she deserves some vacation. I wish she could come and stay here and sleep calmly in the cool of the Scandinavian summer night, and wake up with the sound of birdies, and look at the deer outside the window and stroll down the path towards the lake, and eat strawberries and cakes for breakfast :)
I actually wish that for all my friends in Greece who are going through really tough times right now.

I look around and in spite of all bad things. My father's death and his ghost haunting my dreams. My mother's crippling illness, my sister's hysteria, with a lot of potential ending up with my mother's illness,  and my some other everyday "this and that" inconveniences ... life is good. Hell, life is great! And it can only get better. One must always try to see the glass half full! Even when the glass is empty.

I know you are reading this, I see you, so I must tell you, even though I don't write or call that often. It will all get better from now on :)

Well I am off to the suburbs now, to paint some furniture at my mother's place.
As I said, now I am the painter of the family since father died. I don't mind it. Working with my hands always gave me a sense of serenity. I really don't understand how some people can be "useless" with their hands. It would drive me crazy.
There are some times that I destroy something just to fix it back ....

After my work is done I hope I can convince mother to take a walk down by the lake. She has been so much in love with her new apartment she doesn't go out for days.


Time's up. Train is leaving in a few ...

the amish years
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