Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.) (lantichristo) wrote,
Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.)

Dear diary ... no one but myself

What she said

Time and time again I get disappointed.
By myself and others. By myself mainly ... because I get to thinking that others will not disappoint me.
By myself mainly because I get comfortable and start "sleepwalking".

By myself mainly because I give it all.

I am so "isolated" in "my world" I think everyone should see things MY way.

Nobody loves you like yourself!
No matter what they say.
No matter what they scream.
No matter how much they swear on it. With a ring, with a promise, with a sincere smile!
Nobody loves you like yourself.

Nobody loves you like yourself.
Nobody loves you like yourself.

So don't lose yourself in others. Don't ever let go.
Be aware. Be prepared. Be ready to run. At anytime.
And run you will.
For when the proof comes, your only vehicle is your feet.

Fuck it.
If you want to die, do it alone baby.
I am done babysitting sick people.
It's high time I spoil myself for a change.

And please do not take the following words as a threat.
Take them as the innermost and absolute truth.

So I'll pretend all it's fine.
For now.
For now I'm here. Completely. By your side.
Totally engaged and committed. And faithful.
For now.
Since your planning is weak.
For now I'm here.
Completely here.
Swearing for love everlasting.

But just reflect a while ...
Go outside yourself and try to see. What is in it for ME?
What is in it for ... me?

What is it that you are offering?
What is your offering?

All I see is a very sad hospitalized future.
And a lonely grave.
Who will come to your grave?

So really.
What's in it for me?

Here. Now. We are good.
Here. Now. I love you like no other.
Here. Now. I'll stay and serve you like the fool I am.
Here. Now. I offer you everything.
Here. Now. I honestly want to be with you forever.
Here. Now. I believe it to be true!

But make no mistake. I'm old enough to know myself by now.
I will be tired. And weary. And spent ...
And I will ... eventually leave.

So improve your offerings ... or accept that this ... is temporary ...

"... Holding on in bold-faced desperation,
Holding on to one last fatal glimpse
Hands meet, touch, retract ... burned to ember
Weakness has sunken in and taken its place
at the head of this dark parade
Stormtroopers attack, bringing up the backwash of bile
A vile agenda lived out in monotonous pain
Forming shit soaked lives, denied by those
who fake at life
Denied, maligned, redefined circles of shit
Costumed as shit
Cherishing shit as though we are indebted to it
May we live to regret or forget?
This nightmare is in overdrive,
A fire of uncommon velocity ...

Tags: alone, dear diary, writing

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