Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.) (lantichristo) wrote,
Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.)

home today ...

I could not stand to go to work today ...
I need to stay home.
I have been feeling like shit lately.
Life keeps on challenging me, methodically and systematically.
I have to find a way to fight back.
After all these years you'd think I'd know ...

I will now work on the 5th song of my demo. I think it only needs vocals ...
I have my sister's old small guitar ...
I have composed a lot of songs in this little piece of wood throughout the years ...

Now this is my only way of fighting back.
Otherwise, I will most certainly die.

Yesterday I saw a great double rainbow covering the sky. I would have missed it because I was writing to you in the train ... but I lost my thoughts for a moment ... It made me think.
I decided not to write anymore for the day ...

Do you ever wonder ... how often do we look at each other? Really look? How often do we meet for real? And how seldom it is to feel each other? Really feel each other's warmth, pain, desire!?

So when we do ... we fall ...

I do not understand flattery ...
I do not fall for it ...
It is the other words ... words that you tell me ... stories ... feelings you describe ... This is what I fall for.
And I fall hard.
Only to wake up in a pool of blood. My blood.
Realizing, I didn't fly away with him.
I just jumped from a window.
While he was admiring himself on the glass ...

Tags: dear diary, love, sad

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