It smells so nice outside. It smells fresh and clean. The rotten smell of summer is slowly disappearing. Soon there will be rain and sweaters and candy canes and walks in yellow-red forests and knitting by the window. And yes, today for the first time i really feel the chill coming up from the north. I guess it is finally time for fall. :)
Changes are coming up. Life is good. Confusing at times (or most of the time). Misfortunes strike without skipping a beat. I'm used to that. But life is good regardless.
I'm creative as always but there is always some set back. I'm not complaining.
And I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings here but, I am so eternally grateful for the changes in my life. I'm grateful I've been hurt. I'm grateful I've been abandoned. I'm grateful I've been betrayed. I really am. Because all these misfortunes brought me to where I am today. And today I have more love in my life than ever before (more than I asked for even). I am not depending on it of course. Nothing lasts forever. I do not plan and I do not expect. People wither and people fade. Nobody has ever kept a promise to me so I am always prepared for the worst. That's maybe the pessimist in me.
I know I make you sad when I say "I don't believe." I do however believe that you believe.
I hope that's enough.
I take each day at a time.
I make plans but I always plan to change them (and I always count on a change).
It might sound strange, but for the first time in my life I am trully happy.
The not knowing, the uncertainty is keeping me happy. Because I know that if I die tomorrow, I have at least lived today. And that is the optimist in me.
Ohhhhh I am so wise and profound am I not?
Yes, I know I know. I'll leave the deep talk to my poems.
Here I prefer to vent .....
But I am not pissed enough with anything or anyone important enough to piss me enough to write about it here.
So there. That was the first real update after some time.
Next I will try to keep up and finish with the pictures from the trip to the north.