I am so tired. The last 7 days I have been traveling back and forth to my sister’s house. I’ve been daddy-sitting and the last 2 days I’ve been painting a big room for my niece (I don’t even like the kid). My sister bores me to a pulp. Her kids bore me to a stupor. People with kids bore me, period. And my father … oh my father is intellectually killing me. I have to drop at least 77 IQ points to be able to communicate with the man and that for me is soul-destroying. I have to listen to the same stories over and over again and all the inconceivably moronic things he says, without arguing and without discussing period. I just listen, nod and pretend to care. I feel sorry for him but he is the last person on earth I would consider talking to if I did not know him. I would probably exterminate him if he wasn’t my dad and I was a dictator. I do not hate the man. I can not hate him because he is my father and for SOME weird reason that means something to my subconscious. I can not control sympathy and pity. It just goes were it goes. I can not choose who I feel sorry for.
My dad is one of those people I feel sorry for and I do not want to argue with. He is the worst kind of bigot, racist and utter moron; the kind they do not know they are. The kind they actually think they are the opposite!!! He thinks he is “a humanitarian left-wing philanthropist, we are all the same and equal, modern” kinda person my dad. (lol)
And if you DARE to tell him off … oh boy … you are in for a fight. I used to fight when I was a teen and in my mid-twenties. But then I realized that it is as if I am fighting with a zucchini. What the hell was I thinking trying to argue with a bloody vegetable? But, he is kind to me, my sister and my mom even though they are divorced over 30 years now. But he is shit-for brains and I am forced to spend time (A LOT OF TIME) with him, every time he visits, and he visits A LOT. He doesn’t have a life back in the old country you see so he is breaking our balls every 2 months. What’s more, I have a suspicion, he is losing it. I mean he was always the kind of person who’d never pay attention to details and his memory was that of a gold fish. But this time around he started showing a bit more intense signs of old people’s problems … If he is heading for Alzheimer’s it would be devastating … I cannot deal with yet another mentally challenged person in the family. Although, dad has always been mentally challenged;) But he never needed me to take care of him. What if he gets really sick and I am forced to go and take care of him in the old country. I left that shit-hole 7 years ago and never been back and I never intend to visit ever again. EVER!!! But what if I am forced to? It makes me hope for a war or a natural disaster to wipe that place from the face of the earth so there will be no possibility for me to ever ever EVER have to go back there.
I know I used the word “forced” once too many times. Nobody is forcing me to do anything. I am not blaming anybody but myself. If anyone forces me to do anything it is me. I have told me this too many times. But my answer is that I won’t be able to live with the guilt if I tell my dad all I am thinking about him. And I am right.
Apart from my dad’s (what seems to be an eternity) visit; me and Ronnie are having some problems with our new TV and that is bothering me a lot since Ronnie is going to Spain for a week and I will be alone here and … you see … we have a big collection of super high definition movies. More than one terabyte of just HD movies … and I was planning a “marathon high-definition movie watching” with my favorite company. Me, myself and I with some of California’s finest red wine, great pizzas with tons of first-rate Italian cheeses and Kill Bill, Matrix, L.O.T.R., God Father, Harry Potter, Alien, Pirates of the Caribbean, WITH their sequels OFCOURSE (eh, maybe not God Father 3 because it kinda super-sucked). Then I was thinking of some Tim Burton’ s movies that could be added in the company.
But NO. IT seems I won’t have the TV while my baby is in stupid
Ah, anyway, I am tired and annoyed.
How was your week?