Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.) (lantichristo) wrote,
Alexandra Norrskèn (N.S.)

Public Enemies (not real spoilers) review. And a side story.

Now this is not a movie that most women like. I do not want to sound like a misogynistic prick, but it is true. Little women will not like this movie, can not like this movie. Some chicks and bored housewives made the mistake to watch it in the hopes of some sufficient drooling over Johnny’s magnificent behind, or Christian Bales’ newly trained abs. Maybe see some skin, and aspire for a sweltering hot sex scene!!!

Oh their frustration. Sorry ladies, wrong movie.

This is the real thing. But is not just tough men, bank Robberies, lotsa shooting and blood. No, it is much more than that.


Public Enemies is a journey back in time. It is a tale of great Americana. Michael Mann’s camera “searchlights” and final shots are a directorial marvel. Every shot is well thought and delivered flawlessly. There is no big story, no long dialogs, no great action lines. Little attention is given to “the depression” as the story flies over the lyrical dancing of the camera. The script is weak, but the magic is in the picture. Like a great piece of music with few lyrics. And talking about music. Mr. Man’s ingenious strikes you hard the way he uses music. The right moment, that moment, the perfect moment. And Billie Holyday’s voice comes to complete the trip under your skin.


Although there are a lot of actors worth mentioning in this film, like Giovanni Ribisi (whom I by the way adore) as Alvin  Karpis, Billy Crudup (exceptional talent) as J. Edgar Hoover, or the lovely  Marion Cotillard, as Billie Frechette; I’d like to settle my comments on my two favorite actors.

Christian Bale’s fierce power in every twitch on his face. He descends into the part - even though small – and makes it his own. Only his presence tells a story, his body language his charisma. A right choice for the part. A right choice.

Johnny Depp. One of the parts he played in his fingers like a silver dollar. Not Oscar worthy perhaps, (even though he deserves it … again) but a faultless one none the less. No effort. No over-acting. No wavering. Real. Touching. Beautiful. Poetic. Like the movie.


Now, this was the second movie I saw within a month about America’s most infamous criminals. (The other being The Assassination of Jessie James) Both men had something in common. People loved them. They had this Robin Hood attitude that made them who they are and kept their place in history. And they were both caught not by their pursuers but because they were betrayed by their own.

The movies have something in common as well. They are both describing with not so many words, the heart of America. From their innermost poetic nature, to what it could have been, should have been, must have been.

Movie enthusiasts and especially to this genre are going to enjoy every moment of it.

Such elegance, such integrity, such visuals!


Michael Mann has chosen right in every possible aspect of this film.

All the actors riveted into his direction. Into his close ups and almost ceremonial frames. The chase scenes fascinating, the violence brutal yet emotional. The shooting, the machine guns, the intensity of bloody scenes, the roughness of times, the disloyalty.

A two-and-a half-hour movie that seemed too short.


The clothes and scenography.

Magnificent! Astounding! Splendid! The city looks so authentic; a slight sigh of longing can burst out of your chest. All those cars, all those beautiful, gorgeous cars!!! From the guns to the traffic lights. From the shoes to all those magnificent haircuts. These people did an admirable job!!! I applaud!


Michael Mann’s use of colors is mystical. You sink into the movie as if intoxicated by some heavenly drug and for some moments you think there are no colors, but they are all there, assorted perfectly in this great trip, this great movie, this great classic (to be), this great Americana!!!


If Michael Mann is not leaving with an Oscar this year I will eat my hat.






If this review made you feel good, if it has given you the least feeling of happiness, if in other words “made your day” even to the slightest. Then do not read any further. You can come back another day. Some other day … Because what I am about to describe next … is simply … disgusting.


And a little side story.


Now there was a big downside to my movie going experience. If not the worst I have ever experienced in my life then in my top ten for sure. Ronnie agrees. Everyone who knows me know how unlucky I am when I go to the movies. There is ALWAYS some idiot beside, behind or in front of me who will do something to piss me off. Either noise or smell wise.

It is my curse. Some say I am oversensitive. Yes. Until they go to the movies with me. Ronnie is my number one critic, telling me I am over sensitive because I hate people. Until he started going to the movies with me. I have had people chatting on the phone for over 2 minutes, I have had people farting, people talking through the ENTIRE movie LOUD. People taking their shoes off and resting them on the front sit. People kicking me etc …. Ronnie started realizing through the years I am not joking and if we weren’t both so firm nihilists, we would probably explain it as an occult phenomenon. But this yesterday was something special.

Get this.

The theatre is full. Even the very front seats were filled up. The average age is 25-30. All these young people most of them freshly clean with their nice clothes and discreet perfumes filling up the theatre. Ronnie said: “ look at all those people who are going to destroy the movie” And I said : “You are right but they all look ok. We might  be lucky”

SO wrong I was. Of ALL the theatres in the city, of ALL the movies, of ALL the rooms, of ALL the rows, of  ALL the sits. He sat beside ME!

A big fat, DRUNK, old and ugly son of a bitch. His body odor was a mixture of piss and grilled meat. He was probably eating earlier in some cheap greasy joint and his clothes were soaked with the stench of cheap oil grilled to oblivion. His breath reeked of alcohol and cigarettes to a point of nausea. The moment he sat beside me I knew. I said to Ronnie: “ Now this is the guy who will spoil the movie” And how right I was! Apart from his body odors, his breath straight from hell, his burping (and I am sure he also farted a couple of times), he had this cough. I can not describe it. It is indescribable. It was very  very loud and it sounded like a huge pig. No it is NOT a metaphor. That is the closest description. He sounded as there was something seriously wrong with his lungs and throat. HE didn’t sound like coughing rather than preparing to vomit. Like the snorting sound of a pig. DEAFENING loud. I missed a lot of dialogue cause I didn’t hear SHIT when he was coughing, and he was coughing 70% of the movie. in addition to the coughing the WHOLE row was moving back and forth as he was coughing with his entire being. And to top that, since he was a ferocious smoker he had to eat candy, from a very plastic, very noisy bag. He would put his hand in this bag and go to town for at least a whole minute before he’d get the fucking candy out. Remember he was drunk so it was an ordeal to actually find the candy. And then he’d put it in his mouth and suckle it, loud, making slurping sounds until he’d start coughing, shake the whole row, burp a couple of times, stink the place up and then make some comments… oh yes, he was a talker. Making comments on the movie and talking to the WOMAN who was with him ( no further comments on that woman) and he wasn’t whispering. No he could not whisper. He was talking. And since he probably had cancer of the throat his voice sounded exactly like his coughing. Like a really big pig talking. And then he would put his hand back into this very plastic, very noisy bag and start all over again. When he was not going through his routine he was sleeping. Yep he was sleeping making small snoring noises and some waking twitches and when he’d come out from a lil nap it was the worst, cause his cough would turn into this constant roar of death … I honestly thought he was going to die right then and there. On his sit. I hoped for it. I hoped he would die so that I could enjoy what was left of the movie. But then I thought if he dies he will shit and piss himself. But maybe that would be more bearable. He smelled very bad already so what’s a lil extra?


I loved. Really really loved the movie. But because of that excuse of a human being, that oxygen waster, I couldn’t wait to go home.

Ronnie Said it was the worse experience of his life in a movie theatre. I thought: “yes it was on my top 10”

Ronnie said: “ That’s it” I am never going to the movies again. I am buying a projector, no matter how expensive and we never go to the movies again!” I said: “Yes, it is very hard to come back from this one”

You are trapped in situations like that. You can’t say anything. What are you gonna do to a guy like that? Shush him? Ha! Whatever you say it will lead to a fight and you are not going to watch the movie at all in the end. And not only YOU are not going to watch the movie but everyone else is fucked as well. I don’t want to feel trapped like that ever again. So I will think LONG and HAAAAARD before I EVER go to the movies again.




And let me repeat myself here … Racist or a misanthrope? … Oh give me a bloody break …

Tags: bad smells, cinema, disgusting, fav actors, great movies, johnny depp, movie reviews, movies, public enemies

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